RE DISCOVERY

is she slipping away?

ohhh... crap. We had a HUGE arguement. It was pretty bad, so I posted this note on a newsgroup I belong to.

Here's my story - any and all comments appreciated!



My beautiful wife of eight years came out over the summer.  She

realized that she has always had an attraction to women

but never acted on it.  She wants to explore that now, and is looking

for a 'friend with benefits.'  She's been trying really

hard the last few weeks and hasn't found much yet.



C spent some time over the last couple years working in a place where

there are lots of gay/bisexual people around - she made many friends

who were gay.  C took a hiatus from the job to see if

it was the environment that was causing her to think about lesbian

encounters, but ultimately has decided it's something she

always wanted and needs to explore.



When C told me about this over the summer, I listened and was

supportive.  How could I not be?

(She'd been dropping hints and I realized it was a possibility - and

in fact, thought this might 'open up' our marriage.)

I told her I would support her.  She told a few friends about her

'coming out' to me, and they all are apparently very

impressed by me that I am so supportive and didn't just kick her out

of the house.



Soon after, we had lots of incredible hot sex.  Yes, it's a turn-on to

think about my girl having lesbian sex.  At first, she

was repulsed by the idea of licking a woman, but after some role

playing/fantasy talk during our sex sessions, she now feels

ready for - and is looking forward to - her first encounter with a

woman.



C said at first that she was just going to wait until the situation

fell into her lap.  I encouraged her to explore this now,

I guess to help us both find out the depth of this situation.



All the time through this, I kept talking about us having an open

marriage.  She is dead-set against that.  If I have sex

with another woman, that's not fair - If I have sex with another man,

that's too dangerous.  No threesomes she says

because that's not love, or caring about the other person and besides,

"someone's always left out in a threesome."



Lately, it's come to a boil.  C seems to be on the computer all the

time; checking emails, trying to find someone.  I think

perhaps it's starting to put our family on the back burner.  She says

it isn't - and I have been working 7 days a week for

the past several weeks.  It could be that I'm home now suddenly, and

haven't had time to adjust to her alternative activities.



I feel guilty too.  I haven't been the best husband.  I work alot, and

am not the most romantic person.  (Creative yes, just

not on a regular basis.)  My job has kept us living apart for a few

weeks or months at a time.  Add to that our debt, the

fact that she wants to go back to school and feels "trapped" and we

have a situation brewing.



Our arguement this weekend left me looking at "marriedmatch.com."  I

think my own extra affair might (MIGHT) be a small,

soothing comfort.  C walked in on me (was supposed to be showering)

and got

pissed.  "Fine, I'll stop looking for women and you stop looking at

those sites. " she angriliy said. 

(that won't work - she'll just resent meand leave eventually anyway.) 



This weekend was the first time that she talked about our divorce.  We

have a lot of debt, and

she talked about paying it all off in five years - she gets a job or

goes back to school and then we can split.  Yeah, I

guess she's stuck with me to an extent - we also have a young daughter

too in private school.



So, I don't know what to do.  It's hard to just sit and wait and see

what happens.  I am afraid she'll find the relationship

she wants with a woman - and I'll just be the chump sitting at home

(who's so great cuz he's so supportive!) with the hollowed

out shell of a relationship.  (she takes great offense when I say

this... it's an insult to her that I would even think

she'd do such a thing. 



Bottom line is, I LOVE HER!  She's my best friend and sometimes, I

feel betrayed. 

Is it so wrong to want her all to myself?  Sure, she can have friends

and other interests... but I either want an open or closed

marriage - the same for both of us.

She calls me selfish for wanting an open marriage for both of us...

I want to share sex with others and have my wife there with me.  I

feel she wants it all for herself while

I sit at home and man the fort. 

so... whatya think?

posted by matt @ 11:04 AM