the hardest night of my marriage
...there she was. My sexy girl. Red V neck sweater,thong to match, khaki pants. All dressed up, (and
yes) somewhere to go. It was her first overnight at
H's. She was excited, but seemed to keep it in for
me.
I knew she had been looking forward to it all week.
Lots of emailing, back and forth. She asked if she
could stay the night... I said yes, but asked about
whether or not this was 'the night.' "It's only the
second date," she said. But we both knew.
It was the hardest thing to do... sending her out the
door to sleep with someone else. This is the girl
who, when we were first together, wanted to know where
I was all the time. She needed to be with me. Wanted
to talk, hold, etc.
Anyway, she had a good experience. Maybe a great one,
I don't know. She told me all about it - a pretty
detailed account, actually - what she did, what she
was thinking... what happened afterward. (Thank you,
baby - that means a lot.) I laid in our bed and
listened. And, wasn't turned on in the least. I
don't think I'd find her g/f a turn on, actually.
I hadn't cried in years until that Saturday night. I
cried again when she got home. I think she knows this
is hurting me, but the feelings are so strong for her.
Thus, her relationship with this woman will continue,
at least for now. She needs it, I know that.
m.
posted by matt @ 6:59 AM
1 Comments:
Thanks Be, for your note and concern.
You know, I guess I let her go because of love. And, if I deny her, what does that do to our relationship? She's been very open about all this... and although doesn't tell me EVERYTHING, she tells a lot. If I put a stop to it, I wouldn't know what the hell was going on. And, even though it hurts, I'd rather know up front.
Hope your day isn't a bummer. Thanks for your note.
matt
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