RE DISCOVERY

two steps forward...

We had some good discussion this weekend. I explained some things to her, and she comforted me a little. She asked if I could promise I'd never (physically) leave her... and I did. She of course, promised (as she has in the past) that she'd never (physically) leave me.

And the "physicially" is a very important part of that sentence. Frankly, I KNOW she won't pack up and walk out the door. That's more than some wives are doing in this situation, I've read about those wives. But there's more to it than that, obviously.

I told her for the first time that I have always wanted to explore sex, but felt afraid to ask her in the early days of our relationship. She was (and still is) one of those "nice girls." I always wanted a nice girl. In fact, I met V through personal ads in the back of an "alternative" magazine. (Back in those days, we didn't have the internet! - although it wasn't THAT long ago.) Anyway, my voice greeting said I wanted a nice girl who was occasionally wild. Well, that's what I got, but more on the nice side. So, I told her that I was shy for several years to press the limits of sex. And, when she came out that she wanted to explore women, I thought, "Great, we can both experience some of these sexual desires, fantasies!" (of course, then I didn't know/believe that she wanted to explore this all on her own.)

Anyway, she listened and heard me and then says, "Would it make you feel better if there was the possibility of you being involved with me and a woman in the bedrooom? I mean, I really want you to know and like the person who I am involved with and I want her to like you too."

Well, sure - that makes things different. Just the fact that she's not completely cutting me off from her "other side" indicates that she really does value, VALUE our relationship and bond. Now, whether or not that will actually happen (the sex), who knows?

So, Sunday morning we had a nice time in bed when she woke me up and sat on my face. (she loves that lately. ) And, for the first time, she gave me a fantasy of being involved (really involved with a threesome with her... not just watching.)

Yes, it's about intimacy. You get more back when you let a little go. We BOTH need to learn this lesson.

so... whatya think?

posted by matt @ 6:28 AM