RE DISCOVERY

and she's mad at me?

Alright... it's true. I wasn't totally forthcoming about all the places I put an ad up.

So, she found one of the ads. And, I put my picture up there. She wasn't happy. She kept asking me, "Have I really hurt you this bad?" Well... yeah.

I was trying to figure things out... and no, I don't want her to know all about it for several reasons. First, I don't think a 35 year old married guy is going to be much of a catch, unless he's really good looking. (which I'm not.) Second, the ratio of men to women in online personals seems to be about 10/1. That's just the truth! So, I wanted to just check it out without judgment first.

I really think she's trying to micro-manage my affairs - in an effort to make sure I don't leave her. But it's not right for me to sit at home waiting, worrying and wondering what's she doing. I'm going to find my own things to do.

There is a significant risk in opening up and letting go of someone you care about. It's especially hard when you have been so close to that person for over a decade. She tells me that she knows what she wants, which (as I interpret it) is a side relationship with a woman and me waiting at home. It's not that I don't believe her on that... it's that I wonder if she's really being true to herself. As I see it, she's diving head first into this friendship/relationship with H.

So, I took the ad down for now. And, I'm having lunch with a lovely, platonic friend of mine. :)

m.

posted by matt @ 11:31 AM