RE DISCOVERY

pulling away

Even for a little while, I should be able to - and be allowed to pull away from her.

That's kind of what I've been doing lately, and she can tell. Although I don't think I'm deliberately trying to send her a message - but I've been a little more quiet lately. (Hell, one of the two friends I have who knows about V's lesbianism asked me if I was alright yesterday.) So, I get the third degree.

And, my answer is that I need some time. That I'm actually mourning a little. I just never thought it would happen to my girl and my relationship. This is the girl who (even still now says and) said back then how she would be devistated if I ever was with someone else. Yep, even after I told her that I was going to do what it takes to be happy, she still drops hints on me. How it would be hurtful if I was on the computer talking to a woman (whoops! :) Actually, maybe she knows something I don't know that she knows?)

(I have a little smile on my face now.)

So, yesterday was a hard day for both of us.

And, I know that my hard day was because I was looking at another potential relationship - and it's not working out so well. She doesn't know, of course. And, I feel like a heel now after typing it all out here. Why? I have the right to do that.

It's so complicated.

m.

posted by matt @ 6:34 AM