self destruction
Lots has happened in the last week or so.V admitted to me (on her own) that she and a friend had intimate relations while out of town together. The hints were there... she kept dropping them. Finally, one night in bed, she sleepily admitted that they were "close" but no sex. The next day, she laughed in my face when I asked her about it, saying "why would I get involved with him? He's married?" and that they "bonded" and just talked. Oh, and "he and I weren't alone the entire weekend." I didn't believe it, and knew more about the situation anyway thanks to my good detective skills.
At any rate, she admitted to me that there was more than just talking. Still no intercourse, but plenty of fooling around naked. Um... in a Monica sort of way, if you catch my drift. Turns out, V was all upset - with ME actually! She had accidentally stumbled into my email account and read every single email... some to a girl friend of mine, another was a draft of a really angry letter to V. She tried to tell me that I was having an emotional affair and was sure I was going to leave her.
Of course, this all goes back to the same thing: What's good for the goose... isn't acceptable for the gander. Whatever she does is okay, but I need to be micromanaged. Then later, she wanted me to ask her to a work function - one I did not want to take her to.
Since then, it's been a week of bickering. I made it perfectly clear that I was very very angry with her because of the above mentioned point. (Which has always been my beef with her - she can have whatever intimacy she fancies... but I get none. None from her, none from anyone else.) She took it hard, keeps saying she accepts that things are over and we are starting to prepare to split.
The good news? No more Ch 7. Thank god. They'd just come after me anyway.
Meantime, she's been horny and wanting to come back to me. Believe it or not, I haven't been in the mood. (very unusual for me.) I have to re-adjust in my head before I can be with her again. The next time, it will be more physical, less emotional - at least that is my guess. She's losing weight this fall (to win a bet with her cycling buddies) and I finally told her today that she's got to quit walking around without any clothes on in front of me. I'd like to move to the other bathroom and bedroom just to get away. Or, move out all together for that matter and find my own girlfriend.
So, that's the latest in a nutshell. I don't see us lasting much longer. I simply can't take it. I love her still... but not enough I guess to stay home and put up with this crap much longer.
m.
posted by matt @ 12:40 PM
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