RE DISCOVERY

so this is christmas...

The last month has seen some changes in our relationship. Most notably, we live in seperate ends of the house (which isn't very big, btw.) That means... no intimacy at all. We don't see each other much, we barely talk about the day's events. However, my good relationship with my daughter has not changed - and is still quite good. I'm looking forward to having a needed break with her over the holidays.

V will be off work during that time as well. She was working, but has managed in one way or another to be screwed out of the jobs she had. Not her fault (I don't think,) but a strain on our finances just the same. Remember, the game plan is for her to get a job and get on her feet. She has a promising job on the line, we'll have to wait until New Year's to find out if it will pan out. It could actually be a great career move for her.

I took time off and went on a road trip by myself. I stopped to see an old friend in Atlanta, then moved on to Florida. It was refreshing to just be on my own... making my own decisions. V enjoyed it too, I think.

In fact, when I talked to her, she spoke of missing me (the "nice" me.) She went to a party with her friends (or "friends"... although the friend she fooled around with wasn't there.) Ah, but there's the "after party" that's still unclear to me. Supposedly, she was hit on - and had to finally say, "but I'm married" to get him to back off. Secretly, I really think that she at least had the opportunity to fool around... but am not quite sure that anything happened. Can't tell. That's the weird thing. But the signs that she gave off when she was fooling around, seem to be there this time. For example, she seems to profess her love for me after she's had someone else. And, this is weird... she only paints her toenails when she's either going to get some, or is working on getting some. (I've seen this... I'm not crazy.)

The arguing is less than it used to be. But, there are flare-ups now and then. I have no patience. I get the feeling she's extremely happy with the way things are. It's hard... I've decided that it's okay to let all this slide through the holidays... yet so long for a complete separation.

My emotions are on a roller coaster... no, I don't want her to be at my work party. She complains about my co-workers anyway. I try to make our weekends fun and happy, I try to plan a night out for all three of us... only to be met with resistance. But, she's offended if I don't ask her to things.

At any rate... it's the holidays and I think I'll be very glad to be back to work on Jan 3rd. Meantime... I'll make do. Pass me another margarita!

happy holidays to all

m.

posted by matt @ 2:21 PM