RE DISCOVERY

update from the homefront

While I realize that nothing has changed really... plenty has changed. And while I realize that I post the same shit over and over... there may be a glimmer of hope.

So, since our out of town trip, V and I have argued... lots. Everyday or every other day. And, it goes without saying, that there has been NO intimacy at all. In fact, V doesn't even dare expose herself in front of me at all these days.

The arguments have been about everything. Mostly though, it's how I treat her, she says. Here's a brief rundown of the last couple weeks:

Got back from out of town trip (see last post.) By ourselves, no child. Arguing. Talk of separation, talk of me proving I still want to be in this relationship.

Went to pick up child. Rode together in car for several hours and argued most of the way. The thing I remember the most is that her honest answer to my honest question of "who is it and how much" I was 75% and she is 25%. (Funny, I think it's mostly her.) More discussion of getting a counselor (my sole responsibility) and how me working that out will "prove" I want us to work.

Then a week of dealing with V's brother and how he treated our child while she was there. (long story, not appropriate here. ) We got along somewhat until Friday, and an event at a gallery where I have a piece presented. Our child was cranky, it was crowded and hot, and V felt like I ignored her. She announced "I'm leaving and you're coming with me," to which I replied, "No, I'm not." This fueled the biggest argument to date. We've argued every day since then about our daughter, my work schedule and hers - and everything else it seems.

Later that weekend however, we discussed many things. How we don't communicate with each other, the misinterpretations, etc. Finally, she said she wanted to work things out. "The next year will make or break us." She's right. And I keep thinking about the alternative: divorce. I mean, if we can't work out the schedules between us now... how will it be better after a divorce? We will really be divided and that can't be good for our child.

It's a day by day process. Most of the days are kinda crappy right now. Much anger, resentment on both sides. I admit, neither of us seem to want to try very hard right now. There's so much anger and hurt from the past... it is so tough to get past it.

We really do need a mediator. I will find one, if even just for me. Maybe that person can read my blog. It'd save about five sessions I think. :)



so... whatya think?

posted by matt @ 2:58 PM