RE DISCOVERY

putting a blindfold on

Since my last post, not much has changed. Our agreement still seems to stand firm, although it's not been tested by either of us. Same bickering though.

About a week or so, V was tremendously angry. Something's going on with her, either at work or with a relationship or friend. Then, she takes things out on me. I'm not nice to her, I don't do things, etc... She's obviously frustrated over something. After the arguement, an email to me stating deep love for me... yet hurt to think about me. "I wish you made me happy again," it said. My response was one of love for her (which I genuinely have), but a question of "why?" Why do you hurt? What is going on? I finished the note with the statement, "Either we need to take significant steps to repair our relationship or just jump off the deep end and realize we are better off apart."

No response yet.

The other night, on the way home after having some drinks, we talked. After my joking about the "lesbian house party" she could have while I'm gone to Europe, I asked her if she'd tell me if she slept with someone while I was gone. (She already told me she didn't want to know if I did.) Her answer, "no." The reason? "Because you'd just get upset." I explained that with new freedoms comes less resentment... a whole lot less. At least for me. And with that freedom... I'd really want to know about her sexcapades with a woman. It is hot...

Now, my trip is postponed, leaving me and V childless for almost two weeks. We're going on a weekend trip together in the middle... maybe we'll continue to work things out. If we could really both get past the hurt, fear and jealousy... we could have a fun, lasting, fullfilling relationship.

But, I don't really expect that to happen.

so... whatya think?

posted by matt @ 11:31 AM