weary... and in need of a break!
The past few days, I've been weary of it all. My relationship with V, my female friends, the internet sites and blogs and all of it. I'm emotionally tapped out.V and I get along okay. She consistantly tells me she loves me, shows me a little affection, and I suppose I throw it her way too. Some days, I feel like things are just like they used to be: my girl and I planning our future, working together. Other days, I don't trust her. I keep looking for little signs that she's up to something, not telling me everything (which she hasn't in the past, I KNOW.)
V seems bound and determined to have the relationship SHE wants, despite whether or not I go along with it. (And, I'm talking about her relationship with ME, not another woman.) By this, I mean that V gets what she needs: new friends, reduced responsibility, all the focus on her because it supposedly was all about me for the first decade. Problem is, I have to get SOME of what I need... or I'm tellin' ya, it ain't gonna work. Selfish? maybe... but that's the way it is. These days, people just don't stay in relationships where they're unhappy. Period.
And then there's my female friends. After a while, you see which ones are playing you and which ones are all caught up in their own crises. Of course, I suppose that's part of life. But, lately it's the crises that have exposed these "friendships" for what they are: superficial. And, that's disappointing.
so... whatya think?
posted by matt @ 7:43 PM
2 Comments:
My wife wants to explore relationships with other women and suggested that I read up on the websites she has been visiting. This blog doesn't help make her case.
From the first blog entry to this latest, your story evolved EXACTLY as I thought it would. The only part that wasn't predictable was that you put up with it for so long.
It seems to me that such relationships are almost always doomed to fail (every other lover/partner/poly person you mentioned in the blog also had their relationships split apart).
For such a relationship to work, both partners must be comfortable with the rules of the relationship. Here, V didn't think it through and basically expected you to be her safety net (financial and emotional). It also seems to me that the partner going outside the relationship should overcompensate by showing extra attention and affection for the primary partner to reassure that person.
I was also horrified that it didn't appear V put any thought into how her activities might effect your daughter.
I expect our experiment to end badly...because they almost always do. But, once the conversation has taken place (I want to have sex with other people), you can't pretend that it never happened. You either find a way to make it work or call it quits. Reading your blog makes me suspect that calling it quits is waiting for me just over the horizon.
I keep hoping that the experiment will turn out alright. I guess that's why I've stayed in it for so long.
Thanks for your very honest post.
Matt
Post a Comment
<< Home