Purgatory
I love my daughter.I love my new car... my new bike... my new computer.
While I can drink in all the internet porn I can
stand... it's still not the same as a real, intimate,
fulfilling relationship.
And, that's just it. My relationship with V is not
fulfilling. It's as if she thinks it will be fine...
it will work out to have a buddy across the house that
will keep all the pieces together. But, does she
really expect that I will stay around in a sexless
situation?
V hasn't been in the mood at all lately. She's
started taking an "anti depressant" which, in ten
percent of women, decreases the sex drive. It doesn't
help that we're clear across the house.
I saw on a well known, national morning show last week
that men equate sex with intimacy and want to have sex
even if they have a bad day, other things going on -
while women will lose their desire if their day goes
wrong, or they have something big overtaking their
life. Hmmm... interesting.
When will it change....? In 2006? Perhaps. Even six
months from now seems like a long time.
posted by matt @ 7:52 PM
2 Comments:
Oh my, what a story. For five years, I was married to a man who turned out to be gay. The last couple of years, I managed to hold it together ... until one morning he announced it was time for us to have a child ANYWAY. That was the day I decided it had to end. I'm now married with three wonderful children. Our sex life is slower than we either one prefer but still, it's a marriage in EVERY sense of the word. Wishing you, your wife and especially your child a way to find a way that works for each, for all, of you ...
I was drawn to your blog like a moth to a flame. I am a divorcee - happily remarried now with kids only happening this time around. I don't think there is any one way to handle what you've been up against but here are some random thoughts on your experience I have in case they help you:
1. If I look back at my first marriage - I sometimes think it could have worked if we had gotten out of the cycle of negative.
2. But then again I also feel that me and my current husband want the same things in life which makes it a TON easier.
3. It seems that your wife is asking you to deal with alot of her crap. Her depression and actions make me wonder of she doesn't have some past trauma or anger issues - like some totally repressed sexual abuse.
4. If she wants the marriage to work out - she is going to have to really reach out to you and prove it - that is fair as you are the one that has been let down. You should tell her this.
5. It will be good for you to get away.
6. You could go with an open marriage for ahwile and both play - that would mean that yes you too would get to have affairs.
7. If you can get some distance - you might see that there are much worse things that people do than cheat - things like tearing down another person - really being cutting and mean. Affairs are most about unresolved personal issues - your wife is struggling with herself.
8. People do and can negotiate a healthy balance with the child in divorce - but there is also the risk that one person moves and you really do lose access to your kid.
Good Luck - I hope you find a resolution one way or the other that you can feel good about. You are not alone - it is really hard.
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