RE DISCOVERY

and then a blowup...

We had a huge argument this morning. Or, maybe it wasn't really an arguement, but rather me blowing up after V was incredibly hacked off this morning. I said something I never should have said, "f*** you!" That's something you say to someone you hate.

I don't hate her. I'm frustrated with her, I'm angry with her at times. I don't hate her. I never will hate her. Regardless, I blew up today. She was yelling at me and at our daughter as we were all rushing out of the house to get to school. I was trying to help (honest I was - I know how my story could end up one-sided, so I'm trying to be fair here) and suggesting what I could do to help, get our daughter ready, etc. I didn't just "take over" - but most of the time she plans all that out anyway and doesn't want my involvement.

Finally, I blew. She wanted to have breakfast with me this morning before our daughter's play at school. After she yelled all morning at us - she said, "So are you going to have breakfast with me?" My response: "Hell, no. I don't want to spend one more minute with you than I have to." I then asked the time of the play, she wouldn't tell me and said I should know these things. Then, me in one car, her in the other and an obscenity yelled through closed doors at her.

Later, she wants to see me because "You're all I have." So, we had coffee, watched the play, went to lunch all three of us. She bought presents at the store for all of us (me, my daughter, and her new girlfriend **i think** ) - I wonder if to make me feel guilty. I don't know.

Sometimes I really think she pushes my buttons to see if I'll blow - and yes, eventually I will. Then she can make it all my fault. Surely she doesn't do that, does she?

If I had the money, I'd have my own apartment downtown and stay there a couple nights a week. Or more.

Should be an interesting weekend.

m.

posted by matt @ 1:27 PM