RE DISCOVERY

Open door - glass screen

Well, I wouldn't say V is exactly open to me having another relationship. In fact, she's tremendously threatened right now - as I have told her about an online friend that I've grown rather fond of. (Of course, there are SEVERAL online friends I have grown rather fond of, but this girl lives in town and I have talked to her on the phone more than once!) V just thinks that the second I meet her, I (or rather she) will drag us off to her place for a big fuckfest! (not that I would particularly oppose to that, mind you... I am a MAN!)

Now, I really think that the bottom line here is that V's little online romance has faded, or changed or something. V talks about how she doesn't want a relationship with women right now - "women are difficult to have relationships with: they're emotional, manipulative, confused (and so I jokingly hollered from the other room, "don't forget caddy!")" I think if V would just relax a bit, she'd find the relationship she wants without forcing herself. My observations about the last couple attempts are that V rushes into things and lays it all out there - then is hurt when it doesn't click together how she wants it. Shit, you just have to relax a bit, you know. (Maybe I could give her some pointers on how to date women.... LOL! just kidding.)

V gives out every excuse in the book too. For example, this online friend of mine is "retaliation for her having sex with a woman." V's "thought about being with a woman for two years", so I'm the one jumping into another "relationship" without thinking. And, of course the standard "it's not the same - she's a woman!" And finally, she appears to be saying that the first woman that comes along that might be interested in having something intimate with me - welp, that's it! I'm running off and leaving V!

You know, when it comes down to it, I am not planning for one minute to drop what I consider a really nice friendship with my online friend. I'm not doing it! I don't know what, if anything, it will amount to other than being good friends - but that's my decision and it's just not fair to drop her. Besides, my friend and I both decided (because she has issues of her own as well) that we would just proceed cautiously as friends (I think there IS a little spark there, however.) There is plenty of time! And, I think that V will resume her own exploration soon and be less concerned with what I'm doing.

I read several newsgroups on a semi-daily basis, two of which deal with open marriages. They have some good ideas of how to handle things and make an open marriage work. Of course, both parties have to be open to "being open" don't they??

so... whatya think?

m.

posted by matt @ 6:48 AM