round and round we go
... where it stops... NOBODY KNOWS!
Okay, so V went out of town to meet her very good, close, online friend. When she came back, she talked all about her disappointment. It wasn't the same as the online, phone call friend. Just different. "Where does the friendship stand now?" "Not sure."
Hmmm... seems very much like one of her other "relationships." Not that it matters to me much this time. But, I discovered that V wanted much more out of this friendship, even though she told me she didn't. And that may be what has cocked this up for her - but I'm not completely sure.
Now V is depressed again, back on the computer, back in the chat room, back on the newsgroup.
It's becoming clear what she wants/needs. It's also becoming clear to me that I'm just waiting things out. As I mentioned before, it's really important to me to make sure I do the right thing for my daughter. For now, that means staying put. But, I know that V isn't being very honest with me (or perhaps herself for that matter.)
This whole thing has been shoved into the "I wish I'd never told you any of this" closet. Not because V didn't want to hurt me as much as she'd rather do things secretly than have me upset. Yikes. My worst fear. Now I don't know what the hell is going on unless I do some secret activity of my own.
That's the latest update.
weary... and in need of a break!
The past few days, I've been weary of it all. My relationship with V, my female friends, the internet sites and blogs and all of it. I'm emotionally tapped out.
V and I get along okay. She consistantly tells me she loves me, shows me a little affection, and I suppose I throw it her way too. Some days, I feel like things are just like they used to be: my girl and I planning our future, working together. Other days, I don't trust her. I keep looking for little signs that she's up to something, not telling me everything (which she hasn't in the past, I KNOW.)
V seems bound and determined to have the relationship SHE wants, despite whether or not I go along with it. (And, I'm talking about her relationship with ME, not another woman.) By this, I mean that V gets what she needs: new friends, reduced responsibility, all the focus on her because it supposedly was all about me for the first decade. Problem is, I have to get SOME of what I need... or I'm tellin' ya, it ain't gonna work. Selfish? maybe... but that's the way it is. These days, people just don't stay in relationships where they're unhappy. Period.
And then there's my female friends. After a while, you see which ones are playing you and which ones are all caught up in their own crises. Of course, I suppose that's part of life. But, lately it's the crises that have exposed these "friendships" for what they are: superficial. And, that's disappointing.
so... whatya think?
relationship advice
Relationship advice for you today but alas... not from me.
This is from a friend of mine and I really, REALLY like what it says:
This is what I''ve learned from my past relationships: Being someone's friend first is more important than forcing that person to love me and stay with me. I need to be wanted, not needed. Love has many forms and faces, best friends make the best lovers. Trust is one of the sexiest things on earth, total trust is a orgasm of the soul that opens doors to an intimacy and sex life that few people ever experience. Betrayal kills love, and dishonesty sows the seeds that lead to the death of a relationship. Good technique with no heart gets boring really quick, whereas a willing, loving attitude makes learning each other a joyful discovery of pleasure.
courtesy of "stormturtle" and you can find her on okcupid.com. Thanks.
so... whatya think?
M.
