RE DISCOVERY

I'm a New Year's Eve Widower

I guess I knew it was going to happen. I had
mentioned several times that I wanted the two of us to
go out together on New Year's Eve. I said, "I just
haven't figured out what's going on yet. But, I'm
sure there's something going on somewhere - or we'll
just do our own thing." We'd have to get a sitter for
our 5 yr old, but - I thought it would be a great way
to finish the year, and a month of (what I thought
was) great parties.

So, H. called her last Wed. and asked, "Do you and
Matt have plans New Year's Eve?" So she (V.) says no.
Now, H and V are going to a party out of town at H's
friend's house - some mansion. They are now just
friends, BTW - no sex - just friends. H wants V to go
in case H's old girlfriend is there. (and, I've been
told that H is actually hot for some other girl, C.)
V says she just feels needed as a friend and/or wants
to meet some new people.

Anyway, I was pissed. I wasn't consulted. The plan
was laid out before V got home, and presented to me.
V is tired of the parties with all my co-workers.
We've never done anything much on NYE anyway, so why
would this be different?

We've talked about it more than once after my outrage.
She was actually nicer to me than in the past. She
feels torn between the situation, she says. And, she
said she was going to call H. and cancel, until the
next day, when I was less than affectionate with her.
Then she decided "Fuck It" and is going anyway. I
knew she would. She's not going to cancel and I am
not asking her to. Why make her stay home? That will
just piss her off toward me.

Anyway, we talked about it - and she was very
apologetic. She says she just wants friends who
understand that she is attracted to women. No lovers,
just friends.

You know, the problem I have - the problem I have
ALWAYS had, and what I have tried to explain to her is
this: I don't like the way this was handled! Does
her discovery have to be me sitting around waiting for
her to "announce" what she's doing and when?

I think it does. The old marriage - where husband and
wife collaborate and plan together - that's over. I
have to pick my night(s) - plan something out and tell
her. If not, then it's open game.

I can get used to that, I guess. But, I can plan MY
nights too. I can have other plans as well. And,
she'll just have to accept that.

And then, I have compassion for her. She says she has
nothing... no career, no friends outside my work, no
life of her own. I want her to feel happy.

M.

posted by matt @ 10:46 PM