spontaneous combustion
It was late Saturday night, she was taking a shower, I was in bed, thinking about sex. The need was so great, I had taken care of myself four times already that day - and was working on a fifth.
She suddenly came out of the bathroom and, seeing a lit candle on the dresser, said, "I want to feel you with my naked body." Well, my cock was already super hard when she laid on top of me. It didn't take long for us both to be turned on, my shorts came off and she said, "will you ravish me?"
Of course. Even though it was after 1am, I gently licked that beautiful pussy of hers. It so turns me on - the taste, scent and oh the sounds she makes. The sounds. The way I can bring her to a climax, much in the way you bring a pot of water to a boil. Then, a good fuck.
When I was finished, I could have gone down on her and started the whole thing over again - except it was about the 5th time that day.
I told her that when she mentioned piercing her belly button, that would be incredibly hot. She responded with, "What about my nipple?" Yeah, that'd be hot too...
so... whatya think?
situational comedy
Thanks to Fwannie, I have a new buzz phrase that I think applies to many folks. That would be, "situational homosexuality."
I think that would apply to me, but I guess I'm not really sure. I really, really don't have any attraction to men. But, in the right situation, I think sex could be fun (and probably only in a 3 or 4 some situation.) I'll have to update that when I find out more.
Of course, my ultimate fantasy would be a threesome with two women. Too bad my lesbian wife only wants to be with a woman by herself. :(
(I just needed a lighter hearted post today.)
so... whatya think?
...disorder??
Seriously, this concerns me.
I first noticed it several weeks ago... maybe a couple months or so back - and then forgot about it. She had an upset stomach, or something and was in the bathroom a long time.
I went to check on her, as she would do for me in the same situation, and thought I heard (not violent) vomiting. I didn't open the door but just kind of listened for a bit, then left. She didn't say anything when she came out, and I forgot about it soon after that.
Well, this week, after a very "planned" trip to the bathroom (odd for her), and no upset stomach I checked at the door and heard it again. The next day, I looked up bulimia on the internet and noticed some similar signs at my house: binge eating, excessive exercise (hard not to do when it's 60 degrees one day and 30 and rainy the next), depression, stress and this apparent vomiting in the bathroom.
It's something I am only going to monitor (albeit VERY VERY closely) for a while. I don't think it's to the "intervention" stage or anything YET. I'm not even sure it happens very often. But, I'll be watching and listening. We both tried audio meditation last night (not together). We're both so incredibly stressed out right now.
Hopefully, we'll both make it.
m.
maybe i'm just horny, but
I've been obsessed with the stories I've been reading on this blog... stories about a girl, her boyfriend and another couple. They've done everything! 4 some, 3 some, anal, blowjobs... everything I'm not doing right now but really want to do. erotica12.blogspot.com It's really hot.
I especially like the parts about lubing up her boyfriend's ass and drilling him with her dildo. He was getting really used to the idea - her girlfriend pounded him while he licked his girl. And, this girl was working the guy closer to a male /male experience. Which I'm thinking a lot more about these days...
I woke up this morning with a huge hard on and keep thinking about a 3 or 4 some. MFM or FMF I don't care anymore. I want to do something fun!
p.s. the girl and her guy broke up. If only I lived closer to Chicago.
*** additional note ***
Man, second morning in a row to wake up with a raging hard-on. This morning, I had to spend a little "extra time" before heading in to work. There must be a nice couple out there somewhere close by that would be interested in exploring a 3 way.
so... whatya think?
eye of the storm
The bad news: We have stopped having sex.
The good news: She's in a good mood lately, I'm understanding her need to link to the "other side," and we are somewhat more affectionate.
I guess it was my idea to not have sex. This after I was accused of only being nice to her when I wanted to - or we were going to have sex. Funny thing is, I have to just wait for her to initiate. Well, maybe I'm the one who does that too...
I spent her entire birthday week planning a "mindblowing sex week." I made little envelopes with the evening's activities - five nights worth. I did stuff to her I'd never done before. And, I think, she enjoyed it. I have tried to initiate the spice in our love life... and I've gotten some back from her, especially when we did the "kinkydares.com". Lately though, she wants to be "more spontaneous" and that shuts down all the planning. :(
So, I initiated the "no sex." Hell, I haven't been that interested in her anyway lately. We had a crappy night after New Year's, and I haven't felt like giving her a lesbian fantasy while I lick her. That just got old, I guess. Now, my sex drive hasn't dropped at ALL... I could do it every day. Well, can do it, I guess. So, we'll just drop it for a while. I hope that doesn't turn into a long term habit. Then again, maybe that means I can explore other partners. And she can too.
Best part of this week is that she's happier. I'm glad (breathing a sigh of relief.) I'm so damned stressed at work I just about can't take it. And I can't tell her this, because she then thinks I'm making it all about me.
M.
what am I?
first, I'm not a nerd, I guess.
But, it tells me I"m not hip, either.
So, let's take this quiz:
Here is the result of your Greedy Bisexual Test Purity Test.
You answered "yes" to 36 of 100 questions, making you 64.0% bisexual greediness pure (36.0% bisexual greediness corrupt); that is, you are 64.0% pure in the greedy bisexual domain.
http://www.armory.com/tests/greedy_bisexual.html
I don't know what the hell this means...
so... whatya think?
...oh no.
Alright, so a couple nights ago V and I were at home. We had a nice dinner and we divided up the household chores. Simply put, she didn't do hers, she was on the internet. "Five minutes," she said. The next morning, everything's still a mess. Has been for days, since I cleaned it on the weekend, actually.
So, I sent her an email. Not nasty, just a note about how I was disappointed and we should both be accountable for each of our household chores. Well, add to that our financial problems (we bounced 3 checks 1 day before we get paid) and she felt like crap. I think she felt bad and called me at work before she read my email! So, she sunk deep into depression - said that nothing was ever going to work out for her. And, I think she blames me.
The house is clean now. But, all of our pictures we had on the walls of the two of us together... they're put away.
:(
it's great you have it figured out
V:
So, it's great you have things figured out. You say, "I can make it work. I can have both." (Didn't you always think that?) I'm happy you've found comfort in the online group I told you about. I really thought it would help - both of us. Generally, they're nice people in the same situation as you. Married and Lesbian.
It's a little hurtful that you don't want me to view the site ever again. I understand why... but I found it therapeudic at times too. You need it more. So, I won't look. But, it's another example of "Thanks for steering me in this direction... now (SLAM!) See ya later!"
You don't like it AT ALL when I ask you questions about your discovery process. But, I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Not constructively, anyway. You just want to tell me the few tidbits you want me to know, and then I just smile and go on about my business. After all, you told me last week you loved me. And, we had sex a few days ago. So, that should be good for a while, right? I think I need that from you a little more often.
So, here's what I want to tell you. It's a day to day thing with me. Yeah, I can feel really insecure about all this (SNAP!) just like that. I know the day will come when you are absolutely "head over heels" in love with a woman. You'll have a great love and great sex. And, you'll expect me to sit at home like a puppy dog just waiting, waiting for you to maybe give me some morsel of affection. Can I do that? I dunno. Maybe I can if - when that happens, I have other people in my life too to fill the gap. Remember that up to this point, you've been absolutely AGAINST that.
You know, I DO deserve to have a woman who is attracted to me. I deserve a woman who thinks I'm hot. I deserve a woman who is totally dedicated to me! I deserve a woman who focuses on giving ME hot sex... not (almost) always the other way around. It's not fair that since I would/could have sex everyday that you can say, "well, I can't give it to you everyday anyway... so you shouldn't needle me about it."
On the other hand, you are a lesbian. It's amazing that you want to be with me at all.
Here's the real deal: I don't like that I have absolutely NO control over this. YOU tell ME how you plan to work all this out - today, tomorrow, next year. Even though you say you don't know (and perhaps you don't) what will happen, you sure don't want me giving MY input. Do you think I will somehow squelch you? I can't do that. If you are a lesbian, fine. But I'LL see how I fit into your new life. Isn't that at least partly MY decision?
I guess you have the right to figure things out on your own. And, I have the right not to listen to what you have to say. I have the right to make my own decisions too. Then, we can compare notes and see if we are still compatible as a couple.
You say you want to grow old with me. That's a long time from now. And, even if we do that... I still want to have someone who is deeply, emotionally connected to me. I think you think you can do that. I'm not sure you can. And, I guess I can either wait and see, or dump you and try to find someone else. I don't want to break up our family, so I'll wait and see. At least for now.
You don't want to know when I hurt because it hurts you. So, why don't I quit telling you. I'm getting better at putting a smile on my face. :( :| :)
not so depressed
V. is doing better. She's not so depressed and I think it's over a news group that has girls on there just like her. She wants to go to a retreat with these women - and I think it will help her a lot. I am still worried about when she finds a female lover... but I can't do anything about it, thus it's easier to just let her go.
We had a discussion last weekend. I become withdrawn and don't say much - she interprets this as being mean to her. Sometimes, I just need to pull back. And, yes, perhaps I'm sending a message that I'm not happy. She seems to resent that.
Anyway, she tearfully thinks I've made the decision that I will leave her someday. It's the whole "we could live across the street from each other" thing. She wants me in her life somehow. sigh... why is this so hard?
I have to work now. more later.
so... whatya think?
calm for now
well, the past week or so has been relatively quiet, yet not uneventful. My girl has been having a lot of depression. Simply put, she wants a different life (or maybe "a life") that she doesn't have now. It's bothered her tremendously... and she finally said something last week. I didn't know - I mean, I thought she had this all planned out. And, she does - in a way. Back to school in the summer and that, someday, will probably triple our income. Well... if we stay together.
She asked me yesterday if I would always be her friend. Yes, I'll always be her friend. "Even if we live across the street from each other," she asked. Hmm... On the one hand, I guess it might be nice to have my own living quarters - and still be married to her.
I told her yesterday, "I am wondering if someday you'll tell me, 'I love you, but I belong with a woman.'" You should have seen the look on her face. She said, "I can't tell you that it won't happen." Okay. But I can't and won't sit around and wait until you decide. We can be friends - deeply attached friends who love each other and have other relationships.
You know, she has said to me, "You already have a woman." Thus, I don't need another one. Well, I have a woman, yes. But, do I have one that's committed to me the same way other married women are committed to their husbands? I don't know about that. I can see the emotional separation - perhaps it's because I'm looking for it - but it's there.
And so, I can adjust. She may not like it, but I will not be put into HER closet while she figures this out. I truly enjoy and cherish the few female friends I have right now. Nothing sexual, at least not now, but that isn't the point, really.
so... whatya think? m.
Happy New Year
So... this is 2005. And, I'm a bit wiser. I hope.
I rang in the New Year with my honey and two of our friends. We were at a nice little nightclub with a few dozen others, some wine and champaigne. V seemed in fairly good spirits, throughout the evening. Lucky for her we ran into her gay friends at the restaurant! She could then tell these guy friends (who seem very nice BTW) about how her lesbian party plans were f'd up at the last minute.
She seemed even happier after seeing her friends. They're all going out in a couple weeks - which is fine. The couple we were with have to know something is going on with all the hints V dropped, such as "We're going out in a couple weeks for C's birthday... you wouldn't want to come, Matt." "Maybe I would," I said. Later, V tells me, "It's a gay thing, you wouldn't like it." In other words, "I don't want you to be there."
I think I would "like it" fine. But, I'm beginning to
not like it. Why does "gay" have to be a private club? I'm the most liberal person I know... but I gotta tell ya, she keeps slamming the door on me. Maybe I don't want to go out with her and her gay friends - but why keep all that hidden? Does she want to experiment without me knowing - and what exactly does that experimentation mean?
V's really upset by the latest blowout with H. I listened and listened to her talk about it, not knowing what to say. Finally I asked, "Why is this different from (one of your other gay friends you had a falling out with)? The answer: because she slept with her. (Although, she and I both know that she rushed into it too fast, nevertheless - there's an emotional attachment there, even though she says that H treats her like crap.)
She told me during one of our arguements over the holidays that she wishes she'd never come out to me. That way, she could experiment without all the "scrutiny" and then tell me later if something significant developed. Sounds like a precursor to what will happen next - pretending to do have platonic friends while pursuing intimate relationships.
I told her that I had come to grips with a few things, especially the idea that during specific holidays and specific events I wouldn't expect to spend them with her. I felt relieved by that realization - I thought she would as well. However, she tearfully told me that she was afraid that I would stop loving her and pull away - slowly.
She said, "Maybe I'll decide that even though I am attracted to women, I don't want to pursue a relationship. I'll have some answers for you by next New Year's Eve? Can't I have a year to figure some things out? "
"Yeah," I replied. But, I realized that I've already pulled away somewhat. Yeah, bottom line is that she can (and probably will) do whatever she wants. I just have to be okay with that. She can have her year of diversity festivals, lesbian parties, special friends... it's fine. It really is. And I will pursue my own things. And, during those times when she and I do cross paths, I hope it will be sweet and fulfilling.
Happy 2005 to you... reading my blog.
so... whatya think?
